Push & Pull

Though I was never that little girl who planned her wedding, picked out her dress, or dreamt of the guy she would one day marry...I definitely did think that marriage was "the happy ending". 

Little did I know that in reality...it was only the beginning.

Simply put, it was the beginning of real growth.

During courtship you are so enraptured with this idea of forever with 'the one'.
 So much so, that you conveniently overlook those day-to-day traits that you are committing yourself to for forever.

He takes off his socks every day in the front room & leaves them under the couch for me to find. He forgets to do things on the to-do list. He can't read my mind & emotions like I need him to sometimes. He doesn't speak up when he needs something.

But...

He does hold me tight when I'm hurt. He is teachable and eager to learn. He understands the greater purpose in life. He loves me with all his being. He is happy to hitch his wagon to mine & experience this life together.

That push & pull in a relationship is crucial, because how else would we know what to improve in our own sphere? What can I do better? How can I better serve those around me? Especially my spouse?

He pushes me to be better by just being himself.
How has marriage changed you?

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Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work

Hello! 
My name is Deidre and I blog over at Love, The Skinnys. Let me tell you a little about my husband and I...we are busy people. My husband, Adam, has been in Arizona and Montana living his baseball dream. And while he is there I have been in Utah and Idaho working my dream job and volunteering for Miss Idaho. We aren't in the typcial long distance relationship because we aren't just dating...we are married. But the same rules and feelings apply. Time apart is hard, but it doesn't have to be impossible. Here are some tips from our relationship that has made the time apart easier. We are keeping the spark alive through our long distance dating. And I truly believe our relationship will only be stronger when he comes back.

1. Save Your Conversation. 

Don't text all day, every day. Save your conversation for a nightly phone call. When you spend all day texting each other you will have nothing to say at night. During the day we will text each other questions, funny things that come up, quick snippets or a story that needs to be told while talking, and quick I love yous... but we are careful to share EVERY detail of our day throughout the day. We want to have meaningful conversation at night, not just a phone call because it "should happen". 

  2. Use Technology to Your Advantage. 

There are so many options to talk these days. It isn't just a letter or in person conversation. We have cell phones, text messaging, but - best of all - we have video chat. Whether you Skype, Facetime, or use Google+ - use technology to your advantage. It stinks not seeing my husband every day at home, but I can see him every day through the advances in technology. We have our very own Google Hangout every single night. 

  3. Pictures. Lots and Lots of Pictures. 

Pictures of what you are doing. Pictures of things going on around you. Pictures of yourself. Adam and I are the King and Queen of selfies. On an average day we spend anywhere from 20-30 photos... but sometimes when I know that Adam wont be at his phone for awhile, I will send him about 20-30 over a ten minute period. I like to see what Adam is up to. I like to see the field he is playing at. I like to see his new hat. I like to see his face. So we send photos. It is like I am there without being there.

  4. Take Advantage of Time Apart. 

Obviously you are sad to be apart... but when you get sad think of all the things you have listed that you want to do when you "have some time"... then DO it! Take advantage of your time apart by doing things you have put off. Learn a new skill. Get a new hobby. Visit friends. Watch movies you know your significant other wont want to watch. Time apart doesn't have to be bad... it can be a time to grow more as an individual to make yourself better for when you are a couple together again. 

  5. Do Things "Together". 

To do something together you don't have to be together. Your significant other is watching a show on TV? Sit down and watch the same show. You are watching a YouTube clip? Send them the link and then watch it at the same time over the phone. You can always find similar things to do in your different location... it helps put you on the same field. 

  6. Talk About the Good Times. And Then Look to the Future. 

We all have those moments that will always be special in our relationships. Take the time to talk about those moments. First date, a funny story, first conversation, a roadtrip, the list goes on and on. When you talk about the good times you prepare for more good times. One memory can lead to a plan for the future. When you think about good memories you think about the opportunities for the future, and not the time apart. It brings excitement to the next time you see each other. 

  7. Be Positive. 

Obviously you miss each other. Obviously you want to see each other. But crying on the phone, saying "I miss you" a million times, and talking about how difficult the distance is will only make the time apart harder. Be positive. You can easily make an I miss you positive - say I miss you and I cant wait to see you or I miss you, but we will have so much fun when I come out there... When you say "I miss you," don't make it a focal point of the conversation. 

  8. Make Them a Priority. 

We are all busy. And we make ourselves more busy when we want time to move faster. But ALWAYS make time for your significant other - no matter how busy you are. Everyone has time to text message. And if you have time to text, chances are you have time for a phone call. Not all phone calls need to be an hour long. But waiting to go to bed, or stepping out of a movie for a few seconds, or walking away from your girlfriends shows they are a priority and it shows you want to talk to them. 

  9. Make the Time Seem Shorter. 

When talking timeline, what sounds more appealing, "Soon" or "5 Weeks"? If you said 5 weeks, good on you.. but I think soon sounds better. This one is big in my relationship with Adam. Over his 3 months away we will only see each other twice. Whenever we talk we discuss when we get to see each other next... we have found that saying soon or the number of days makes the time seem shorter than saying one month or five weeks. Find out what timeline sounds more appealing to you and make sure you take your significant other's feelings into account. 

  10. Say I LOVE YOU. 

If you are in love, say it. If you are in like, say it. Anything you think, say it. There is nothing better than a few kind words to get through a hard time. And even though I miss Adam, hearing him say "I love you" or "I appreciate you" makes it easier. Because even though we are apart I can focus on the most important thing... we are in love. And that isn't going to change. 

  11. Fly, Drive, or Crawl.

And of course the last and most important. The only way to make long distance work is to MAKE SURE you see each other. Time apart is hard. But time together makes it worth it. No matter how long you are apart, make time to see each other at least once while you are apart. And if you can, take turns doing the visiting. And when you go visit them, plan out your trip. Don't just spend time holed in a hotel "catching up"... go out, explore, and have adventure! That will make the departure a lot easier. Because you aren't so sad to be apart after 24 hours a day of looking into each other's eyes, you have memories to build on for all your future conversations. 

Have you ever experience a long distance relationship? What advice do you have? What made the time apart easier for you?

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What I Learned In My First Year of Marriage

Jen from the blog T & Me just hit her one year anniversary on June 9th and shared some wisdom on her blog of what she has learned from her first year of marriage :)

1. Teamwork
You always need to remember that you and your husband are on the same team. You have the same goals. You want the same things in life. So don't try to be a winner. You are on the same team!

2. Date Nights
This is a very important thing. Even though Tony and I still spend a lot of time together at home, we need to get out and do stuff. We go to the movies (mostly dollar movies), we get dinner, go shopping, sight seeing, long drives, basically anything where we can get out and have a formal date.


3. Hold Hands in Public
Tony and I notice a lot of older couples who never hold hands when they are out. I think this is a really important thing because it helps you feel more connected to your spouse. It is simple, but makes a difference.

4. Don't Pee With the Bathroom Door Open
Your husband wants to look at you as a beautiful woman, not a chick squatting on the toilet. Keep it classy ladies!

5. Say 'I Love You' Everyday
 I always make it a priority to say I love you when one of us leaves the house, in the morning, right before bed, and all the little times he does something sweet for me.

6. Pick Your Battles
Don't be crazy about the tiny things. Are they worth getting into fights? Remember why you married him and let it go!

7. Forgive
Even if you are wrong, forgive. Holding onto those bad feelings will only create a barrier in your marriage.

8. Don't Talk Bad About Your Husband to Other People...Ever
Even if you think you are venting, just don't do it. People will remember the bad things you say. You don't want them questing your husband or your marriage! If you have problems, keep them between you and your spouse. {Or take it to prayer or a family therapist!}

9. Laugh
Laugh a lot. Watch funny movies, crack jokes, make each other laugh. Keep a positive attitude.

10. Birth Control
If you don't want babies right away, be very good a taking your birth control. Even if that means setting an alarm on your phone everyday and having your husband remind you. Nothing is worse than peeing on a stick, thinking that everything is going to change, and not being excited for it. {Don't worry, it was a false alarm}

11. Don't Forget Your Other Friends
You always hear that when people get married they fall off the face of the earth. I really tried hard not too do that. I didn't want to burn all those friendships just because I was married. It is good to have occasional girls night outs. Let your husband hang out with his friends {a decent amount}. You don't want everyone to think you have your husband on a tight leash.

12. Communicate
Talk! Talk through important decisions together. Tell each other about your day. Don't keep secrets.

Last, but definitely not least...

13. Have Sex
And lots of it! If I need to explain to you why this helps your marriage...well, you might want to look somewhere for that explanation.

There you have it! What I learned in my first year of marriage.
Jen Castagno

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Unity & Service in Marriage

Hey everyone! 
My name is Allyson Macy from Keeping Up With the Macys. I have only been married for about 6 months, but I feel that in the short time I’ve had with my husband, I have gained invaluable experience that is worth sharing!

Two of the most life-altering lessons I’ve learned in my marriage are 1) Unity in decision-making gives us confidence in our identity and future as a married couple and 2) service toward one another is a powerful healing and strengthening agent.

Unity
The first thing my husband and I decided when we got engaged is that it is no longer “my life” and “his life,” but “OUR life.” Since then, we have always tried to make decisions together, with the other’s desires and needs in careful consideration.

An important aspect of unity is teamwork. My husband makes most of the money, but I feel like I am an important member in our marriage when he includes me in financial decisions and genuinely values my opinions. He lets me know that even though I don’t make as much as he does, I contribute in other ways and deserve an equal say in any decision-making process. As we work together to plan our future through financial, spiritual, and other decisions, we design a life that each of us is able to enjoy and look forward to every day.

Unity and service go hand-in-hand. When you start to think of yourselves as a unit, your spouse’s happiness becomes equally, if not more important than your own. When my husband’s happy, I’m happy. When he’s upset, I show him that I care and that I am here to help. This works both ways and fosters a feeling of security in our resiliency and devotion to one another. It also encourages us to serve one another and make each other as happy and fulfilled as possible.

Service

Service may start out feeling like a sacrifice, but I believe it is one of the most vital and efficient ways to strengthen a marriage. Figure out what makes your spouse the most happy (you probably already know), and do it often! Everyone is different, but something as simple as taking out the trash or leaving a nice note can let your spouse know that you are thinking of their happiness and that you are there whenever they need you.

To me, the best kind of service includes altruism: don’t expect or ask for anything in return. Do it because you love your spouse and want them to be happy. This is particularly helpful when he or she has done something very deserving or is just having a bad day. Your spouse will know that they are loved and appreciated, and will feel more inclined to do the same for you, especially when you need it most!

The more my husband and I serve one another, the more love we feel for one another. And the more we love each other, the easier and more enjoyable it is to be kind and thoughtful, and to perform acts of service for one another. If you are always thinking of ways to serve and love your spouse, the cycle will continue, and your love for each other will grow every day!

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Get Over That Marriage Plateau

Every marriage experiences it's ups, downs, and plateaus...but that doesn't mean you have to settle for being just "ok" with your relationship. Follow these tips to re-kindle that fire in your relationship!

1. Give Service, Think About One Another

When you are constantly thinking about the well-being of your spouse, you don't have the time to complain or delve into your own issues. Lose yourself in service! When you show that you care for your partner they will reciprocate and take care of you too.

2. Plan Unique Dates

A kick boxing class? Rock climbing? Movie in the park? What is "out of the norm" in your relationship and what is something one of you has been dying to try? Set aside funds and set a date to make it happen! Seeing one another in new situations and locations reignites that spark you have for each other.

3. How Did You Fall For One Another?

Revisiting the time when you two were falling in love with each other will bring back the fuzzy feelings you had for one another! What was it that attracted you to your spouse? What were your favorite experiences during your courtship?

4. Make Out!

Well, duh! Connecting through physical touch is a great way to reignite that attraction and passion for one another. Hand holding, hugs, kissing and more will show that love you have for your partner and reinforces the bond that you two have.

5. Fall in Love Everyday
Discover something new about your spouse that you love and appreciate, then show your appreciation for your partner! Falling in love everyday ensures a marriage that will last a lifetime!

How do you overcome those marital "lulls"? 
Share in the comments!

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Relationship Lessons Learned: This Little Blonde

Hey there loves! I'm Brooklyn, and I am the crazy lady behind This Little Blonde.

On May 21, 2013 I got engaged to the man of my dreams. Considering he was my first ever boyfriend, he's been my guinea pig in a lot of ways! So today I want to share 3 things I have learned about healthy relationships from my fiance whom I refer to as Mr. Jolley. (Pretty great name to marry into right?)



1. Someone will always disapprove. Someone will always think you spend too much time together or too little of time together. Someone will think you dated too long or didn't date long enough. Someone will always tell you that you are doing it all wrong. But as long as you and your partner are committed and making each other happy, no one else can really tell you how to appropriately live your life. 2. There is a HUGE difference between wanting to be in control & the desire for stability. Men generally don't want to tell you what to do and how to live your life. They aren't naturally controlling. What they want is someone dependable. It's not that he wants to always know where you are in case he needs you, it's because he will worry that he can't protect you if he doesn't know where to find you. I read about this in a book called "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." It was such a new concept to me but ever since I read it I have found it to be true over and over. So give your man a break, and just answer his questions without getting upset about why he needs to be all up in your business. and 3. True love is intentional. Mr. Jolley and I took the love language quiz early in our relationship. And although we love each other in ALL the ways, he knows that in a crowded room, nothing means more to me that him putting his arm around me. I know that quality time is so vital to fill his love tank that I almost always leave my phone at home when we go places so I can't even have the option of pulling it out. We send each other mushy texts, I brag about him to my co-workers, we hold hands at inconvenient times. Because we want to never stop loving each other.

Visit HERE to see all of our engagement pictures or click HERE to read our love story! What have you learned about relationships?

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