BEING COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

I sometimes find myself looking in the mirror thinking, “ugh this is pointless.” I pick things that I wish I could change about my body. We all have insecurities with our bodies. Nobody’s body is perfect, but that’s the perfection in it all. We are each given different bodies, and we should appreciate the differences. We need to be confident in the body we have in order to have the best possible sexual relations with our spouses.  After having a baby I had to learn to love my new body, stretch marks and all. After realizing the weight I put on from pregnancy wasn’t going anywhere I had to teach myself to feel comfortable in my own skin. We all hit points in our lives where we don’t feel attractive. Here are some things that can be done to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin:

                                                               LOOK AT YOURSELF NAKED IN THE MIRROR
 For me this was one of the most uncomfortable and awkward things to try. In order to have a positive body image we have to be able to look at ourselves naked.  Spend 1-3 minutes in front of the mirror naked, with no one around appreciating your body for what it is. The important part of this is truly appreciating your body, don’t nitpick or look for things you wish you could change. Instead embrace your body!

   NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Our minds will believe whatever we feed it. If you find yourself thinking negatively about your body image. STOP! Stop the thought dead in its tracks; instead replace it with a positive thought about yourself.  As humans we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. Don’t say something about yourself that you wouldn’t tell a friend about their appearance.  It’s time to give ourselves a break.

BE KIND 

It’s amazing what being nice to others can do for your self-confidence.  Reaching out to others and making them feel better about themselves will in turn make you feel better about yourself.

                                                                                                                           SMILE

 Just the act of smiling makes you feel better.  The old saying “fake it to you make it” really applies here. When you smile, even if it’s not sincere at first you will notice that you start to actually be happy. 

 UNDERSTAND THAT THE MEDIA EXAGGERATES REALITY

There needs to be an understanding that the pictures you see in the media are not real; no one has a body that perfect. Sexual relations are also exaggerated and we shouldn’t try to live up to this impossible standard. Once we stop comparing ourselves to what we see in the media we will be able to better appreciate our own body.

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Fear of Intimacy

If you have a lack of desire for physical intimacy you are not alone. Many women find themselves in this situation.  Some women might wonder what is wrong with them or why they feel the way that they do, however, there are many reasons women might lack a desire for physical intimacy. Here is the first of a series of weekly posts, stayed tuned! 

Fear of intimacy:

Wounds from past relationships can be carried into present ones. This might make it difficult to have the desire for physical intimacy.

Personal Example:

Linda found herself in a tough situation. She found out about two years ago that her husband had been cheating on her. He had always been very controlling and was hard to trust. Now that it has been a couple of years she has tried to move on, although she still has wounds from her past relationship. She now has a boyfriend she has been dating for a year. He is very kind, loving, and cares about her.  She finds it hard to be intimate with her boyfriend because of her wounds from her previous relationship.

What research has found:

Studies have found that fear of intimacy issues were commonly found in women suffering from depression, but those same issues weren't present in men with the condition. It's difficult for a person with these issues to develop a strong emotional bond with another person because they're terrified of being hurt or rejected. So they push people away to avoid rejection.

What you can do:

Overcoming a fear of intimacy isn't easy. It takes a lot of soul searching, prioritizing your wants and needs in life and dealing with painful events from your past, maybe even as far back as your childhood. It's important for those women with a fear of intimacy to realize their self-worth and do the work necessary in order to learn how to express their feelings to the people who have stood by them, despite being pushed away. Also just starting with small five minute physical intimacy activities is a start. For example, a back massage, cuddling, or showering together. 

Picture By David Castillo Dominici, Retrieved from: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

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