Lack of Intimacy: Focusing on Depression

 Depression:

For some women depression might be the reason for the lack of desire for physical intimacy. Depression can affect many areas in your life, especially physical intimacy.

Personal Example:

Brittany suffers from depression. This affects her and her husband’s sexual life. There are a lot of times where she is too down to get in the mood. She reverts to avoiding physical intimacy.

What research has found:

Think of the brain as a highly sensitive sex organ. Sexual desire starts in the brain and works its way down. That's because of special brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters. These chemicals increase communication between brain cells and trigger more blood flow to the sex organs. The problem is, with depression and other mood disorders, these brain chemicals are imbalanced.

What you can do:

Here is a tip: Even if you don’t feel like full-on sex, do make the effort to have a cuddle. If you are worried that cuddling will project you into full sex when you don’t want it, just tell your partner that you’re not feeling like having sex, but that you would really like to cuddle up. If you do this, you may both feel a lot better. Touch and closeness can keep a relationship intact. Another suggestion might be to talk to your doctor so that you can get things on balance. 

Photo By Ambro

 

Read More

Lack of Intimacy: Focusing on Childhood Abuse

  Childhood abuse:

Some women may have had experiences in their lives that cause them to be afraid of physical intimacy. They might feel pain, fear, and shame associated with physical intimacy or sexual experiences.

Personal Experience:

Mary was sexually abused when she was younger by her older brother. It has been hard for her to forget those past experiences. This makes it hard for her to be physically intimate with her husband.

What research has found:

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that 80 percent of childhood abuse victims later suffer from at least one abuse-induced psychological disorder. It's proven that the effects of childhood abuse follow women into adulthood. Yet few men are prepared to deal with those effects, even when their own wife is the one who is suffering. And their wife's suffering becomes their own suffering as their needs aren't being met by a wife who is powerless to control her inner turmoil. Sexual abuse is way too common in our society and can leave lasting scars. If these issues are not dealt with they can spill over into a healthy relationship.

What you can do:

Jennifer Degler has some great tips on how to help a spouse that has been sexually abused. She first says to let go of false beliefs. There is no perfect combination of words which magically erase the negative effects of childhood abuse. Second, educate yourself. Learn more about sexual abuse and how victims feel. Third, be patient and keep your expectations realistic. Recovery takes a long time and often is “two steps forward and one step back.” Start small and then take bigger steps. If you do the things that it takes to help your spouse, you will be one step closer to sharing physical intimacy with them.

Photo By Phaitoon

 

Read More

Lack of Intimacy: Focusing on Lack of Respect

Lack of respect:

For some women it might be extremely difficult to desire intimacy with someone who does not show genuine love or who consistently diminishes your worth and value in some way.

Personal Example:

Pat has been married for five years. Her husband does not show her love and respect. She lacks the desire to be physically intimate with him because she is not receiving respect from in return. He often diminishes her and makes her feel like she is dumb or stupid. This makes Pat feel like she is just an object that he is receiving pleasure from.

What research has found:

When it comes to relationships feeling respected is huge. Nobody wants to be around someone that doesn’t respect them. Sustaining respect during the course of a relationship takes effort. We are all human, and if someone begins to treat us negatively, we often tend to respond in kind. Disrespect can grow until most interactions are described by sarcastic, inconsiderate, blaming, critical, and demeaning behavior. However, the lack of respect is not always so obvious. Spouses can show their disrespect in more subtle but equally eroding ways. For example: ignoring the spouse or partner, or responding with indifference to their partner.

What you can do:

The definition of respect is the feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. A few ways to have more respect for your spouse are: making a list of your spouse’s qualities that you appreciate. Review and add to your list regularly. Next, tell your spouse what you appreciate about them, and even tell other’s what you appreciate about him. Look for the positive things that you might find irritating. If you are bored when he is telling you about your day, find the positive and be glad that he is actually talking to you. Next, respond to him in loving ways. Lastly, when you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about your spouse, stop and choose something positive to think about him, if you can’t think of something then choose one from your positive list. If you do these things it will help you gain more love and respect for your spouse.

Photo By David Castillo Dominici

 

Read More