Part Three: What Happens when Stress is Present in Marriage?

What Happens when Stress is Present in Marriage?

     

         After my husband and I moved from a loved town, we left our families and moved to a house a few hours away. Though I didn’t feel like I was stressed, I felt the results of stress! Since moving to the house about three weeks ago, I have been sick. Runny nose, extreme fatigue, and just plain short tempered. The house hadn’t been lived in for a while, and there was a lot of work to do on the outside. We had family coming to stay with us in three weeks, so we knew we had a lot of work that had to get done before they came to stay with us. We worked and worked, and all of my symptoms of the cold persisted. Having the stress of sickness (which was a result of stress) made me too tired to really spend time with my husband, who was also very tired and sick from the job he had just started (with very long hours) and the stress of not being able to help out on the house.
Those first few weeks were fun but stressful as we strived to get everything in order. The day after my family left, I was completely better. No symptoms of the flu or a cold at all! Stress can do some crazy things to the body, and because of the things that stress does to the individual there can be huge affects in marriage.

         There are often many different types of symptoms when there is stress in marriage. Some of the ones included may be physical as well as emotional. Some of these may include:

Emotional Symptoms:

-  “More arguments.

-  “Sexual and intimacy problems.

-  “More anger irritation.

-  “Low toleration level.

-  “Anxious.

-  “Depressed.

-  “Tense” (Stritof, p 1).

Physical Symptoms:

-  “Difficulty sleeping.

-  “Poor appetite or overeating.

-  “Frequent colds, flu, other illnesses” (Stritof, p. 1).

There is no doubt that when you are feeling the affects of stress in your life and marriage you will feel more stress! If you have a busy schedule, then get sick because of the things you need to do, you will no doubt be more stressed out because the sickness is present.

Here are some things that happen when stress is in your life!

  

"’Home is the place where we're supposed to feel safe and relax from the stresses of outside life... When there's stress at home, there's no time to recover or heal, and over time, that stress does physical damage,’says psychotherapist Tina Tessina, author of Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage” (Paturel, p. 1).

I love that Paturel (no date) mentions that home is a great way to get away from the stress of the world, whether it be at work, at the grocery store, or at school, your own or your children’s. If that safe haven is not available for either spouse to relax an recuperate from a stressful day, there can be problems that could take a toll on the marriage. An interesting study showed that, “Stress makes its mark on the female face, according to a new study that finds men judge women with high levels of a stress hormone less attractive” (Pappas, p. 1). The study went on mention that both men and women tend to look for a mate that is more “chill” as the article put it. Simply, stress is not an attractive thing to neither men or women. Therefore, when you or your spouse is stress, there is a good chance that you may not see your spouse as attractive.

Another source mentioned five ways in which stress may actually ruin your love life!

1.  “Your Perception of Your Relationship. Stress also plays a role in how we actually view our relationship. When we’re stressed, we’re more likely to see our partner and relationship in a negative light and not acknowledge that stress is impacting us” (Toglia, p. 1). To continue on this study, “Neff and Karney found that spouses — especially wives more so than husbands — experiencing greater amounts of stress reacted more strongly to the normal daily up-and-downs of relationships” (Grohol, p. 1).

2.  “Your confidence. Stress has been linked to low self-esteem. This is a problem for many reasons, and when your looking for love, self-assurance is key” (Toglia, p. 1).

3.  “Your body image. Did you know stress is one of the leading triggers of poor body image? A bad body image can put a serious damper on your relationship [and] sex life” (Toglia, p. 1).

4.  “Your sex drive. One way to kill your ability to get in the mood? Stress. Your anxiety can unfortunately follow you right into he bedroom. When cortisol is being produced for an extended period of time, it actually hinders your sex hormones” (Toglia, p. 2).

5.  “Your ability to have a Baby. Being frazzled is not only messing with your libido, it can actually suppress fertility. Cortisol can prevent you from ovulating - making you unable to conceive” (Toglia, p. 2).

Check these out! These are definitely problems that can cause problems in your very marriage! Being aware of what is going on when there is stress in your marriage can help you to realize why it is so important that you and your spouse find ways to relieve your stress. Grohol (no date) goes onto explain that, “Relationships exposed to high stress for a long amount of time are bound to falter, no matter how well each individual’s relationship skills” (Grohol, p. 1). There is a very good chance that the above things can occur if high amounts of stress is in your marriage. I think that every couple knows that there will be stress, but it is learning how to cope with it that is key! Let’s take a look at why stress may be present in your marriage.

One reason stress may be present in your marriage may be because each partner is not balanced. “Stress indicates something's out of balance. Your No. 1 responsibility is to take care of yourself” (Rozman, p. 1). That is the key, make sure you are taken care of and well, and the stress in your marriage will begin to fade, as you will have the energy and strength to learn what you need to do to cope with that stress in your life and marriage.

        

Abraham Maslow in 1908 created a pyramid that helps us to understand the order of needs a person needs in order to perform and live a successful and happy life. If these needs are not met, then there may be problems in your personal life, as well as your marriage. The idea behind Maslow’s model helps us to understand that in order to perform to the best of your ability, you must have certain needs met first. This is true in all aspects of life, even marriage.

Activity #1:

Sit down with your spouse and join together in an activity that will strengthen your marriage.

1.  Look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs together.

2.  Go through each step, starting from the bottom, and determine if your individual needs are being met.

3.  Start, once again, at the bottom and determine if your marriage’s needs are being met.

4.  Brainstorm ways in which you can help each other’s needs be met.

5.  Discuss how stress may be decreased when each person’s needs are being met.

Activity #2:

Join together with your spouse and see if you can discover what is causing high amounts of stress in your marriage.

1.  Each partner share one thing that is stressful to them.

2.  Discuss why these things are stressful.

3.  Strive to find solutions in how to cope with the stress or lessen the stress each partner is feeling.

4.  If the stress is something that is not needed in the marriage, is causing high amounts of stress, and the marriage would be better without it (the wife working full-time, the husband taking every weekend to spend with his buddies) then try and figure out a way that you can do without it, or work together to find ways to lessen the stress.

Stress will be present in marriage, but it is the high amounts of stress that can cause detrimental results as explained above. Keep watching the blog to see the fourth blog post:

Part #4: How is Each Person in the Marriage is Affected by Stress?

Reference Page:

Grohol, John M. (no date) Stress Hurts Relationships. Retrieved from: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/08/31/stress-hurts-relationships/

Pappas, Stephanie (2013) Study: Stress Isn’t Hot. Retrieved from: http://www.livescience.com/34573-stress-decreases-attractiveness.html

Paturel, Amy (no date). Secrets to a low-stress marriage. Retrieved from: http://www.babycenter.com/0_secrets-to-a-low-stress-marriage_10352386.bc

Rozman, Deborah (2013) Managing Marriage  Stress Starts With Self.; Retrieved from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heartmath-llc/stress-marriage_b_3131372.html

Stritof, Sheri; Stritof, Bob (2014) Coping with stress in your marriage; retrieved from: http://marriage.about.com/cs/stress/qt/copingstress.htm

Toglia, Michelle (no date) 5 Shocking Ways Stress Can Ruin Your Love Life. Retrieved from: http://www.yourtango.com/2013183809/5-ways-stress-can-ruin-your-love-life