Friendship

My Best Friend by Tim McGraw

A spouse is more that a lover. A spouse is a best friend. A spouse brings joy, happiness, but there may also be the hard times. But, deciding that your spouse is a friend, a best friend, that you can count on to talk to, be there for you, and just be your best friend.

I feel that your spouse is your best friend. A best friend is someone you want to be with, spend time with, share secrets with. I feel that it is very important that you look at your spouse as a friend, a best friend, because through that, you can learn to lean on one another through those rough times, and you can see that you will help each other through. That is what a best friend does.

“Marriage, if it is going to last, is about more than just being in love. True love means that you are not just in love, but you are also friends” (May, p. 1).

I really liked this quote because it really helped me to see the importance of being a friend with your spouse. True love is not being twitter-pated, or even getting butterflies when you see someone cute. Rather, true love is the lasting time together, the working things out together, and being there for one another. It is the friendship that you build together throughout your lifetime. Friendship, I feel, is an essential characteristic in marriage.

“Strong marriages have strong foundations in friendship. Don’t worry, you do not have to like your spouse all the time, but a relationship should have a healthy friendship and this friendship needs to be tended to and nurtured over the years. This friendship will help you grow together over the years as a couple” (May, p. 1).

So, you may have the question, “Well, I do love my spouse, but how can we become best friends?” Join in this activity with your spouse and find out how!

Activity:

1. Sit down with your spouse
2. “Make a list of what you would want in a best-friend” (Alexander, p. 1).
3. “Now become that person for your spouse. That’s right. Turn the table. Make this a list of the kind of friend you will become. I can promise you this: anyone who does half of these kinds of things will have more friends than he or she knows what to do with. But what if you focused this effort on your spouse? Think of the possibilities (Alexander, p. 1).
4. “Keep sowing the seeds, until the relationship blossoms. How long will it take to create this kind of relationship? It all depends on where you are starting. For some, it might be several months. For others, it might take years. Friendships are like gardens; they must be cultivated. The key is to be consistent and persistent—without expectations” (Alexander, p. 1).

To bring everything together, what is the most simple way to see your spouse as a friend? “This is really nothing more than the application of the Golden Rule to marriage: ‘Do to others what you would want them to do to you’ (Luke 6:31)” (Alexander, p. 1). This is something that we have been taught since elementary school, but have you every put it into play? Have you every treated someone the way you want to be treated? Think about it, try it out! See how you and your spouse are rewarded.

Take a look at the following qualities of friendship, and see where you can grow and learn to be a better friend to your spouse:

“Qualities of an Excellent Friendship

“Good communication; ability to share honestly about positive and difficult matters

“Acknowledgement and affirmation of positive qualities in each other

“Enjoyment of quiet, peaceful time together

“Play, fun, and laughter

“Acceptance; allowing both partners to be themselves

“Support and appropriate sympathy, empathy, and help during difficulties

“Enthusiasm for individual and shared goals and achievements

“Loving, spiritual connection (such as through prayer, meditation, activities)

“Encouragement

“Loyalty

“Trust that shared information will kept confidential and not used hurtfully

“Reliability; trustworthiness

“Willingness to suspend judgment and avoid jumping to conclusions

“Common experiences and bonding memories

“Ability to work together on projects

“Agreed-upon boundaries and expectations

“Shared interests

“Willingness to learn together and from one another

“Ability to disagree peacefully and constructively

“Shared values

“Ability to reconnect easily after being apart

“Motivational feedback or nudging that constructively influences the other to grow

“Attitude of forgiveness, not holding grudges, and willing to grant another chance

“Respectfulness and equality” (Alexander, p. 1).

There is always room to grow in every relationship. But, think about the relationship that is the most important: Your marriage relationship. It can be very important to work on the friendship with your spouse, because that relationship is one that can last and be happy for years to come. Friendship is indeed an important aspect of marriage.

“If couples would invest in one another like I am suggesting, the divorce rate would plummet. Romance is important. Sex is too. But a solid friendship is the foundation of everything else” (Hyatt, p. 1).

Reference:

Alexander, Susanne M. (no date). 24 Keys to Remaining Friends with your spouse. Retrieved from: http://simplemarriage.net/friends-with-your-spouse/ 

Hyatt, Michael (no date). How to become your spouse’s best friend. Retrieved from: http://michaelhyatt.com/how-to-become-your-spouses-best-friend.html 

May, Adrienne (2012). Beyond loving your spouse: 25 ways to be a best friend. Retrieved from: http://www.veteransunited.com/spouse/beyond-loving-your-spouse-25-ways-best-friend-to-your-spouse/