Part Five: How to Cope with Stress in Marriage

As I have mentioned in previous posts, going to college has been a major stress in my life. There are those days when you just feel like you can’t go on anymore, and something has to change. One time in particular I decided I was done with school and I was going to just quit. It was bringing too much stress into my life which caused me to snap at my husband, get upset with my baby, and not only that but the house was a mess, and I hadn’t gotten my exercise that day (which is a must for me!). I then found, that I didn’t feel any better, but I still had stress in my life. I just had to learn to cope with it instead of trying to get rid of it.

        

Stress can cause difficult times in a marriage. But overall, stress can be a good thing, it is all learning about how to deal with it. And since men and women deal with stress differently (It’s Not About the Nail video posted on the fourth blog post is a perfect example) you and your spouse must figure out how you can deal with it and what ways are best for you.

Stritof (2014) mentioned the following ways of how some people may deal with stress:

Ways to Cope:

-  “Eat healthy foods.

-  “Get enough sleep.

-  “Drink water throughout the day.

-  “Make time for exercise.

-  “Have some fun and laugh more.

-  “As a couple, try to spend some time alone together.

-  “Be supportive of one another” (Stritof, p. 1).

I have found that eating healthy foods and exercise really help me. But in a marriage, it is also important to be supportive to one another! Each person has personal stresses and there are usually stresses as a couple. The above ideas bring some great and simply ideas that can help those personal stresses as well as the stresses that may be as a couple. Spend that time together, be supportive, and together you can exercise as well as eat healthily. You will see that taking care of your body will definitely help those stresses easier to deal with.

“Communicating effectively, managing conflict, expressing empathy: all of these processes are central to lasting intimacy, but none is easy. All else being equal, more time spent dealing with stress leaves less time to spend on a relationship” (Karney, p. 1). Learning about one another, communication, and just being together can help your relationship to be strong and lasting. All of these can also help with stress in your marriage, and the following ideas from Petural (no date) can also help you and your spouse to learn more about each other, strengthen your marriage, and cope with the stress in you individual and married life.

What can you do to relieve stress in your marriage? Amy Peturel (no date) mentions eight ways that can help stress in your marriage to diminish:

1.  “Have more sex. ‘Sex actually relieves stress and makes you feel more energized," says sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of Love in the Time of Colic. "Couples that have regular sex feel better about their lives, better about their relationships, and they're less stressed.’” (Paturel, p. 1).

2.  “Start canoodling. If sex isn't an option, cuddle up on the couch instead. Studies show that couples who spend more time hugging and kissing have lower levels of stress hormones in their bodies. For one week, researchers from the University of Zurich in Switzerland studied 51 couples who were either married or living together and found that those who reported more physical contact – from holding hands to having sex – had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their saliva” (Paturel, p. 1).

3.  “Work together as a team. ‘When you have different opinions, don't focus on who's right or wrong. Instead, focus on what will work,’ says Tessina. Successful couples try to solve the problem by identifying it, brainstorming ideas, and coming up with a solution – together” (Paturel, p. 1).

4.  “Prioritize your relationship. When you have kids, relationship satisfaction usually starts to decline. You have to be dependable, responsible, and scheduled – and routine can kill sexual attraction. To reconnect, make sure you have a regular date night and find ways to bring newness into your lives. ‘Protecting your marriage should be at the top of your priority list as a parent,’ says Kerner. ‘It's important to your child's well-being to see that his parents are happy and connected’” (Paturel, p. 1).

5.  “Show gratitude. Research shows that it's important to hear five positive statements for every negative one from your partner. ‘Happy couples know how to express their gratitude and appreciation. They celebrate their love,’ says Tessina” (Paturel, p. 1).

6.  “Tune in. Listening is critical to reducing stress in a marriage. ‘A big percentage of arguments are caused by getting louder in a futile effort to be heard,’ says Tessina” (Paturel, p. 1).

7.  “Take some time off. Sure, you spend most of your downtime with your partner and kids, but it's important to get solo time (or time with your girlfriends). ‘Couples need to do things apart that they can talk about later, says Tessina. It refreshes the relationship and helps you miss each other a bit, too” (Paturel, p. 1).

8.  “Have fun. Make sure you do things as a couple that don't involve paying bills, cleaning house, and raising the kids. ‘Doing something together that you enjoy gives you shared experiences and reminds you that life isn't all about responsibility,’ says Kerner. Go for a hike, take a dance class, or hit the tennis court with your partner, and you'll get an exercise boost to boot” (Paturel, p. 1).

Activity

1.  Choose one of the above activities (by Paturel),

2.  Make a date!

3.  Invite your spouse in a romantic way (note, roses, a treasure hunt, etc. Be creative!).

4.  Really put time and effort in making the activity a fun and memorable one.

5.  Talk with your spouse about how together you can manage the stress in your lives.

Sometimes stress comes and it seems hard to deal with. Sometimes the stress is something that you can’t figure out as a couple. My husband and I often deal with our stresses separately, depending on the situation. For me, I love taking walks and working in the yard. For my husband he likes to get away and go to somewhere where he can just leave the stress for a bit.

“The take-away for couples is simple — each individual needs to learn to deal with stress in positive ways outside of the relationship (through activities to minimize the buildup of stress in the first place, regular exercise, and other stress-relief activities)” (Grohol, p. 1).

Overall, stress will be in your life and marriage no matter what. Depending on the stress and the level of that stress can determine whether or not it can be a good or bad stress in your marriage.

Reference Page:

Grohol, John M. (no date) Stress Hurts Relationships. Retrieved from: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/08/31/stress-hurts-relationships/

Karney, Benjamin. (2014). Stress is Bad for Couples, Right? Retrieved from:http://www.ncfr.org/ncfr-report/focus/couples/stress-bad-couples-right

Paturel, Amy (no date). Secrets to a low-stress marriage. Retrieved from: http://www.babycenter.com/0_secrets-to-a-low-stress-marriage_10352386.bc

Stritof, Sheri; Stritof, Bob (2014) Coping with stress in your marriage; retrieved from: http://marriage.about.com/cs/stress/qt/copingstress.htm