Lack of Initimacy: Unforgiveness, grief, bitterness, anger & hate

Unforgiveness, grief, bitterness, anger and hate:

Some women may be harboring feelings that consume their thoughts and keep them from having the desire to be physically intimate. These feelings do not even have to be directed towards your spouse, but they might still affect your sex drive.

Personal Experience:

When Tina is upset about something that happened during the day, that didn’t even have to do with her spouse, she reverts to avoiding physical intimacy with her husband. It is hard for her to feel ‘in the mood’ when she has feelings of anger and frustration from something earlier in the day.

What research has found:

If you hold on to negative feelings, disappointments, annoyances, hate, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more - hate and extreme bitterness. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then. Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage. Lack of forgiveness can wear you down. Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either your physical and mental well-being.

What you can do:

There are a few tips to help with this: First, make sure you are open with your spouse. If you had a bad day, then talk to your spouse about it so that they will know how you’re feeling. Second, try to let the anger and bitterness go that you experienced earlier in the day. Remember that if you let go of the negative feelings then you will feel a lot better. One way to do this is finding a way to relax. If you are relaxed it will be easier to let those negative feelings go. Lastly, when you spend intimate time with your spouse make sure you are fully there, forgetting those feelings you had earlier in the day and focusing on what is currently taking place.  

Photo By Michal Marcol