Lack of Intimacy: Focusing on Childhood Abuse

  Childhood abuse:

Some women may have had experiences in their lives that cause them to be afraid of physical intimacy. They might feel pain, fear, and shame associated with physical intimacy or sexual experiences.

Personal Experience:

Mary was sexually abused when she was younger by her older brother. It has been hard for her to forget those past experiences. This makes it hard for her to be physically intimate with her husband.

What research has found:

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that 80 percent of childhood abuse victims later suffer from at least one abuse-induced psychological disorder. It's proven that the effects of childhood abuse follow women into adulthood. Yet few men are prepared to deal with those effects, even when their own wife is the one who is suffering. And their wife's suffering becomes their own suffering as their needs aren't being met by a wife who is powerless to control her inner turmoil. Sexual abuse is way too common in our society and can leave lasting scars. If these issues are not dealt with they can spill over into a healthy relationship.

What you can do:

Jennifer Degler has some great tips on how to help a spouse that has been sexually abused. She first says to let go of false beliefs. There is no perfect combination of words which magically erase the negative effects of childhood abuse. Second, educate yourself. Learn more about sexual abuse and how victims feel. Third, be patient and keep your expectations realistic. Recovery takes a long time and often is “two steps forward and one step back.” Start small and then take bigger steps. If you do the things that it takes to help your spouse, you will be one step closer to sharing physical intimacy with them.

Photo By Phaitoon